http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/en-EUMokoFeed10http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/1e/febfb706fe0032cf726dde0bdce965_160x200.jpghttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/04/01/the-best-news-in-the-world-5873698/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2009-04-01:/2009/04/01/the-best-news-in-the-world-5873698/Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:09:22 +0200 <p>Hello again,</p> <p>I just wanted to update you on what has been happening in the past few days.<br> On Saturday there, as I was coming to the end of the 2 week wait, I began having cramps and really felt like it was all going to be over. Then Saturday night I got some brown spotting when I went to the toilet - we were both very upset and worried.<br> Next day, the spotting and cramps had gone - I only got minimal spotting twice Saturday night.<br> I began to notice one or two other things that were different but was afraid to believe them. You get so obsessed by symptoms during this time that you begin to wonder if it is real or imagined.<br> Test day was Tuesday (yesterday). I was awake from 01:30 yesterday morning and could not get back to sleep. I was feeling scared, anxious and more unhopeful with each passing hour.<br> We arrived early for our appointment and I told them about the spotting and other symptoms. The nurse took my blood off and said she would call us between 2 and 4pm.<br> So we had all day to wait and decided to head towards home and stop somewhere for breakfast.<br> On the way down the road, there was a mean driver who was a bit aggressive towards DH. DH shouted then started to cry - this pressure was really getting to us now.<br> We stopped at a Little Chef - hadn't been there for years and after seeing the restaurants on Heston Blumenthal's programme afew weeks ago, decided to go and have breakfast there. We enjoyed our breakfast and went home.<br> We waited and waited, tried to have a lie down but my heart was pounding out of my chest and I just couldn't settle. I also had one or two phonecalls from close family members asking, any news yet? I was beginning to feel a bit ratty because if I knew anything, did they not think I would have told them, lol!<br> The phone rang just before 2pm yesterday and I answered it and spoke to the nurse, gave my date of birth and she told me the test was positive! HCG level 151 which is good, so I'm told. She told me other things and I can barely remember them now, except that I have my first scan 3 weeks from now and to call them if I had any further spotting meantime.<br> The nurse called back this morning because I had been crying yesterday with joy and she thought I was upset. She offered for us to go tomorrow for a further blood test to reassure us, said the level will have hopefully doubled by then, fingers crossed.<br> So there we have it, all our efforts beginning to pay off for us. We do realise however that this is just the very beginning and that there are so many more hurdles to get over in the coming months.<br> I will keep you posted with what happens over the next few weeks.<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/04/01/the-best-news-in-the-world-5873698/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/04/01/the-best-news-in-the-world-5873698/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/03/28/sorry-it-s-been-a-while-2-week-wait-5848959/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2009-03-28:/2009/03/28/sorry-it-s-been-a-while-2-week-wait-5848959/Sat, 28 Mar 2009 18:25:58 +0100 <p>Well, after the last post we were going up for embryo transfer.<br> When we got to the clinic we were told that 6 embryos were suitable and one was abnormal. All 6 were of good quality so we have 4 frozen - I call them my snow babies! And they put 2 grade 1 embryos back in transfer - a 9 cell and an 8 cell. That was 10 days ago.<br> Before and after transfer, I went for Acupuncture which was great and when we got home I slept for a while.<br> Since then I've been up and down - one mintue certain it's worked and the next uncertain and fearful.<br> I had a day about 3 days ago where I had bad lower back pain and abdo cramps and thought my period was coming. Yesterday I felt a bit like it too but improved as the day wore on. I've been having heartburn backwards and forwards too the past few days. Alot of my symptoms may be down to the progesterone pessaries I have to use twice daily so it drives you mad wondering. I've also not been sleeping too well and it is catching up with me now I think becuase I feel really tired today.<br> I've been using a CD by Zita West which has tracks on it for relaxation and visualisation to be used - pre, post transfer and then for the 2 week wait. I've been using it every night and feel it really beneficial.<br> I got a nice surprise yesterday - I had a call to book a first hypnotherapy appointment from a client and today DH and I have been looking for chairs to put in my office and organising other bits and pieces - I've been so glad of the distraction as I was feeling on the verge of going crazy, lol.<br> Well, only 3 more sleeps until test day and I'm hoping and praying that everything stays stable until then. I wish we didn't have to wait as long but there's nothing else for it and we are nearly there now.<br> I'm optimisitic but also scared. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/03/28/sorry-it-s-been-a-while-2-week-wait-5848959/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/03/28/sorry-it-s-been-a-while-2-week-wait-5848959/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/03/18/long-time-no-see-5780379/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2009-03-18:/2009/03/18/long-time-no-see-5780379/Wed, 18 Mar 2009 11:20:21 +0100 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>Sorry it's been afew weeks since my last post on the blog but I will update you now.....</p> <p>Well, we went for the Down Regulation scan and the lining of my womb was very thin and my ovaries clear, so we started on the daily injections of Gonal-F the next day - 5th March and were booked in for day 9 scan on 13th March.</p> <p>We went along on Friday 13th March (!!!!!) for scan and I had 13 follicles of decent size and several smaller ones and my womb lining was 12.8mm thick - all good and better than our first attempt back in May last year.</p> <p>They took my bloods and sent me away with my HCG booster just in case and a bottle of Buserelin snuff ( the down regulation injection lasts 28 days and was due to run out 14th). They said I might be ready or I might still be a day away so theatre probably Monday or Tuesday.</p> <p>I backed afew horses in the Cheltenham festival to keep my mind calm whilst I waited when we got home. I was told if I didn't get a call from the clinic I was still to continue on my daily injections and go Monday 16th for a further scan.</p> <p>By 3.30pm I had almost given up hope when the call came - last Gonal-F Saturday morning, snuff 3 times on the Saturday then HCG booster injection at 9pm then as usual, all the drugs stop. Theatre Monday 16th 8.30am.</p> <p>We were really excited on the Saturday but I was becoming increasingly bloated and uncomfortable from Thursday onwards so we did very little on the Saturday - just got lots of nice things to eat from Marks and Spencer and watched a DVD.</p> <p>I was up quite early on the Sunday morning - had Acupuncture planned for 11am which was truly great, really chilled me out.<br> She had advised me to have Vitamin C for afew days before Egg collection and start Arnica the day before which I did - this was to carry on until embryo transfer.</p> <p>We got back from there and I made a roast dinner which kept me occupied although I chopped my hand afew times trying to carve the meat - mainly because my Mum was trying to take over and help.</p> <p>I slept really well on Sunday night then up at 5.20am with the phone ringing - my Mum was up all night thinking about us.<br> I stayed up and tried to remember not to have a cup of tea since I was under instruction to fast from midnight.</p> <p>I had a bath with unscented shower gel and washed my hair with the same - no scented anything or deodorant or make-up as these can harm eggs and embryos. DH had to do the same (he was rather upset at not being able to wear make-up though!...Only kidding - he'll be annoyed if he reads this, lol).</p> <p>We got to the unit and I was 3rd on the list. I saw the anaesthetist whom I told about the pain and wareness of the last time. He gave me a strong painkiller before and after and said he could up the sedation. I was however much calmer this time.</p> <p>Went into theatre at 10.50am, felt chilled and they sedated me. I was really only vaguely aware of afew minor short lived times of discomfort then they woke me up. I was sore after and they gave me a painkiller which helped.</p> <p>I had a bit to eat then was able to get up, I was keen to get home. They took the venflon out of my hand and gave me my post op instructions, DH was there as I still felt woozy. All I was interested in was how many eggs they got - 10! 2 more than last time. We were to phone the next day at 10.15am to see if any had fertilised.</p> <p>So we got up yesterday morning and both felt excited and a bit scared. I phoned the embryologist at 10.15am as planned.<br> All 10 eggs were suitable for use and 7 fertilised! We were over the moon. They are going to culture them this morning (today) so they can grade them - if they are of good enough quality, we can have some frozen for if we need them again (which I really hope we don't!). We go today (same preparationas Monday ie no perfumed anything) to have the embryos put back - they will use 2 hopefully.</p> <p>So we have an appointment at 2.15pm today and I have to have a comfortably full bladder to facilitate the procedure.<br> I'm just away now to get ready to go as I have acupuncture at 11.30am today in preparation. I'm hoping it really chills me out - I feel excited and scared and quite sick!</p> <p>So next time I come on here to report back I will hopefully be pregnant until proven otherwise! Wish me luck.</p> <p>L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/03/18/long-time-no-see-5780379/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/03/18/long-time-no-see-5780379/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/02/17/good-morning-5592263/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2009-02-17:/2009/02/17/good-morning-5592263/Tue, 17 Feb 2009 12:03:30 +0100 <p>Hello again,</p> <p>I'm pleased to report that I'm feeling a good bit better today.<br> I still have the headache but I seem to have alot more energy today which is good.<br> I don't have much planned for today and am planning to take it easy and do bits and pieces around the house and stuff for my business. </p> <p>I'm also going to cook a nice dinner today for us and use some of the lovely fruit and veg we bought on Sunday.</p> <p>There is also a wee doggy who would probably enjoy a walk later too.</p> <p>L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/02/17/good-morning-5592263/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/02/17/good-morning-5592263/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/02/16/we-started-yesterday-5588964/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2009-02-16:/2009/02/16/we-started-yesterday-5588964/Mon, 16 Feb 2009 22:38:11 +0100 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>Well we finally started round 2 of our ICSI journey yesterday morning.<br> We went to the clinic and got taken early which was nice.....So we left the clinic at 09:30am following the Prostap injection.</p> <p>We had a really nice day. We travelled down towards home and stopped off to see my brother, sister-in-law and my 2 beautiful baby nephews.<br> I realised just how much I had missed seeing them over the past few weeks and have offered my babysitting skills again!</p> <p>We went for a nice breakfast, did a bit of food shopping - loads of fruit and veg! We got back about lunchtime and I started to feel a bit headachy and went for a wee nap...... I woke up 3 hours later!!!!!<br> All that nervous/excitement energy.</p> <p>We had a nice meal and went to bed. I woke about 3am feeling generally "not right". I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong but I knew I felt just yucky. A bit nauseated, achy and weepy.<br> I eventually got back to sleep and woke about 9am. </p> <p>I've been feeling pretty rough all day but feel slightly better tonight again, thankfully! I've not stuck to my diet today but felt it was ok to treat myself a bit as I was feeling rotten. DH went to get me some chips and he grated strong vintage cheddar over the top - fantastic!!!!!! I will start again tomorrow and be a good girl again. I did drink over 2.5 litres of water today so that's a step in the right direction......and several steps (worn carpet) to the bathroom (I know, too much info, but funny all the same!).</p> <p>Turning to things more profound now..... I have to be honest, I'm really scared. I know I should be positive and I am being but I just don't want to set myself for another major fall like what happened last time. It's frightening to think that in just afew weeks time that we will receive either the best news ever or that our dream might be over again.....bitter sweet, funny how that phrase keeps on coming up.</p> <p>I'm scared of being in pain again like I was last time but I'm trying not to think about that. Besides, I'd probably consider chopping my leg off if it meant having a child all of my own.</p> <p>Well, I've just got to wait now for the next step which is my scan and in the meantime just keep everything crossed that that goes well, just like last time.</p> <p>Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day. I'll keep you posted.</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/02/16/we-started-yesterday-5588964/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/02/16/we-started-yesterday-5588964/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/01/26/round-2-ding-ding-5449696/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2009-01-26:/2009/01/26/round-2-ding-ding-5449696/Mon, 26 Jan 2009 11:18:36 +0100 <p>Good Morning to everyone,</p> <p>I got my dates to start cycle 2 of ICSI this morning.<br> Down Regulation 15th February (Sunday morning, so no lie in!) and I have my first scan on 4th March.</p> <p>I feel really excited again as does DH. We are both hoping that we have a nice surprise in store this time.</p> <p>I phoned up to book Acupuncture again this morning too. I was in two minds whether to go for it again but to be honest, it did me the world of good last time so I decided to go with it again.</p> <p>I'm still overweight but my BMI is quite below the 35 threshold so I'm hoping that will be ok. I do have afew weeks to get my act together so I hope to be a bit slimmer by then (she says hopefully, trying not to think of sour sweeties and chocolate!!!!!).</p> <p>Who knows what it will bring this time, but at least I know a bit of what's going to happen after having been through the treatment once already.</p> <p>At least I don't have that awful job this time. Instead, I will be trying to set up a business, so no pressure there!</p> <p>Anyway, I will be posting my experience again in my blog and as always will be as honest as I can be.</p> <p>Take care,<br> Love,</p> <p>Lisa,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/01/26/round-2-ding-ding-5449696/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/01/26/round-2-ding-ding-5449696/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/01/01/new-year-new-start-5307701/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2009-01-01:/2009/01/01/new-year-new-start-5307701/Thu, 01 Jan 2009 14:59:37 +0100 <p>Hello again and a Happy New Year!</p> <p>Well, alot has happened since my last post....<br> As I said previously, we were taking a break from treatment to catch our breaths and try to make sense of just what we went through.</p> <p>Since I was last on, I decided to leave my job which caused me alot of stress and heartache both during treatment and also the rest of the time.</p> <p>I started studying for a Diploma in Advanced Analytical Hypnotherapy at the beginning of Autumn which has so far been going really well. I had to travel to Perth for that and so I was able to overcome another hurdle in trying to beat the enduring anxiety and agoraphobia which had plagued me for so long. I've got quite a bit of work still to do (which I MUST get started now Christmas is over with). However, I should be completed mid January and should find out my fate in February. Then I need to set up a business, scary!</p> <p>I've been doing afew hours in a local Nursing Home to tide us over which has been quite enjoyable.</p> <p>In October there, we lost my wee dog, Timmy. He was a Yorkshire Terrier and we lost him just 2 weeks before his 16th birthday. He had been deteriorating gradually for some time but took quite ill and despite various attempts to help him, he didn't make much of it and we had a really hard decision to make. I'm still very upset and miss him so much, he was my wee pal and helped me more than I can say in words over the years.</p> <p>So, 2008 was quite a tough year all round but through the bitter, runs sweet.... Things had to change in order that my life becomes better, something I have only been able to dream of for several years. I do feel much stronger than I have done for a long time and that can only be a good thing.</p> <p>I phoned the clinic the day before yesterday to discuss going back for round 2 of ICSI. They were too full this month but I have alot of work over the next few weeks anyway so I will call them mid-January when I get my next period.</p> <p>So, after today and tomorrow (ie when we can get all the Christmas food finished), I'm going back on my vitamins, eating better/normally and trying to get off the fags again.</p> <p>I'm also thinking about getting Acupuncture again, since it really helped me in terms of symptoms and relaxation first time around.</p> <p>So, all in all, I am filled with some hope and a sense of direction going into 2009. This is the complete opposite of this time last year when I/ we both did not think that anything was possible with what we knew back then...... What a difference a year makes!</p> <p>Anyway, I will keep you posted with what happens next and hopefully that will be quite soon.</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/01/01/new-year-new-start-5307701/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2009/01/01/new-year-new-start-5307701/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/07/28/been-a-long-time-4511570/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-07-28:/2008/07/28/been-a-long-time-4511570/Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:11:54 +0200 <p>Hello,</p> <p>Firstly, I just want to apologise for not being back here sooner.....As you could imagine, after everything that has happened, I was just not ready to face things.</p> <p>Afew weeks have passed and this has given me time to reflect on everything that has happened and also allowed me time to look at my life.</p> <p>I was going to go straight back onto cycle 2 of the treatment but after speaking with DH, we have decided to wait for a while.</p> <p>We realised that having been married over 4 years, that we have spent our entire married life in trying to have a baby and have lost sight of ourselves as individuals and as a partnership.</p> <p>Not only that, during the treatment, I put on quite a bit of weight again so knowing how long it took before, I think it will take me afew months to shift that.</p> <p>More importantly, as you may have read in my previous posts that I have been very unhappy at work for quite some time. So I have now decided that I am going to do something positive to change that.</p> <p>I went back to work nearly 3 weeks ago and realise that it is not the place for me and not the job for me. There is still alot of unfairness on many levels and this is something that I don't think I can tackle on my own. I, along with afew others, feel very much demoralised.</p> <p>I fear that if I remain in this rut, that I will lose even more confidence over time. No-one cares to find out, or is even interested in the qualities or experience I have. In fact, I would go as far as to say that there is a total disregard of me completely, and this I feel is based upon the fact that I have been unlucky enough to be unwell over the past few years.</p> <p>This may all sound quite negative, the truth is that.....this IS the truth and I feel really frustrated by it all.</p> <p>SO! I have decided to pursue another avenue, something I have thought about for a long time. I have decided to go back into education for a period and learn something new.</p> <p>I have afew choices and already, I feel so much more alive and liberated. I have been offered afew places at University - some are at post-grad level, some are undergraduate but in a completely different field altogether! I have decided to take the option which seems to be the quickest and something I have researched alot.</p> <p>I'm going off to do a Diploma in Advanced Analytical Hypnotherapy which will allow me to start my own business and takes approx 6-7 months. DH has already bought me a web-site! I'd feature the name but there is nothing on it yet. When I do have stuff on it, I'll plug it here!</p> <p>As regards cycle 2 of ICSI, I think this will be after Christmas. However, I still need to discuss this with the clinic to see what they say about that. I think I read somewhere that I need to have finished treatment within 2 years so I still have a bit of time.</p> <p>Part of me wants to go back now, but I know in my heart that I and DH are just not ready to go through it all again so soon. Everywhere I go, I see pregnant people and people pushing prams with newborn babies and I get a 'sore heart' and begin to feel very lonely. If we are meant to be parents, I'm sure we will BE parents one day. I'm getting used to how things are a bit more as time goes on, it's just so hard. </p> <p>I still have days where I feel awful and empty, but when you think of it all, we DID in fact lose something and this is a period of grieving for us.</p> <p>I'm going to go now and sit back outside, I think it's a bit cooler out there now.....it was 28 C earlier!!!!<br> I will pop back here on and off to update on anything new that happens.</p> <p>Take care,<br> Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/07/28/been-a-long-time-4511570/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/07/28/been-a-long-time-4511570/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/22/sunday-22nd-june-4348752/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-06-22:/2008/06/22/sunday-22nd-june-4348752/Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:57:29 +0200 <p>Hello again,</p> <p>Despite the awful weather we have, I'm quite happy today. It has been a difficult week trying to get our heads around what has been happening to us. Each day, it has gotten a bit better thankfully.</p> <p>As planned, I phoned the clinic on Friday there. Our case was up for discussion at a clinical meeting. They decided that we have to proceed with cycle 2 of the treatment with no changes. They said we could just carry on or leave it for afew months. I said we would carry on.</p> <p>I just have to wait for my period and then phone for booking dates for the down-regulation bit again.</p> <p>I'm scared but also quite excited about going again. I thought we'd have had to wait for afew months but we are glad to carry on from now. I just need to try and lose the weight I put on through the drugs and comfort eating!!!!! I reckon I have about 6-8 weeks to get my act together with that so I'll start afresh tomorrow using my weight watchers stuff again.</p> <p>I phoned my union office during the week and they spoke with HR department and said I was to get Special Leave for my next treatment - I'll believe it when I see it. I hope to speak with my boss before we start because I do not want the carry on we have just had again.</p> <p>My sick line is up this Friday. I was thinking of going back early but DH and the rest of my family said it would be a good idea to rest and get myself properly ready to return and I think I have to agree with them. </p> <p>I have just been pottering about. I've not been out very much and haven't felt like it at times to be honest. I am hoping to get out a bit more during this week. </p> <p>Yesterday DH and I, along with our 2 wee doggies; packed some beers and icecreams and went to a wonderful chippy which sits in the harbour. We then went along to the sea-front to eat them. It was lovely, apart from my youngest dog was REALLY playing up, being REALLY naughty and barking the whole time!!!! Needless to say when we got home, he went into his bed for a bit. We couldn't get angry with him because he kept making us laugh.</p> <p>Today I cooked us a nice dinner and we have basically just hung around the house on account of the awful weather.</p> <p>I'm sure that the next few weeks will pass quickly. I just hope that we can get booked for our treatment first time around again so we don't have to wait around another month.....Let's hope it's 2nd time lucky for us!</p> <p>Will keep you posted.................</p> <p>L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/22/sunday-22nd-june-4348752/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/22/sunday-22nd-june-4348752/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/17/tuesday-17th-june-4327502/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-06-17:/2008/06/17/tuesday-17th-june-4327502/Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:45:07 +0200 <p>We went to the clinic this morning as was planned. I couldn't get to sleep last night and when I eventually did, I absentmindedly put my alarm off and we slept in! After a mad dash, quick shower,etc, we drove up and were only about 20 minutes late.</p> <p>We saw one of the nurses we saw before who was lovely. We explained about what has been happening since Sunday and she agreed that it was highly unlikely that our test results would be good news.</p> <p>She spoke with us for a while and explained afew things to us and we had a chat about the stress I had been under with work and all. She used to work in the same place as me and so was aware of how awful they are to their employees. </p> <p>I gave the staff a card with some money in, today for their next or Christmas night out. Regardless of what has just happened to us, we are truly grateful for everything they have done to help us so far. They must get so much job satisfaction in doing what they do - a bit like finding a needle in a haystack finding a job like that nowadays within healthcare!</p> <p>We got home and I have been really quiet. I'm knackered and feel so run down. I wish I could get a decent sleep. I think that one of the reasons I don't is that I'm frightened to wake up with the realisation of what has happened again. I guess we just have to remain as positive as we can for the time being.</p> <p>The nurse called us there after 2pm to confirm what we already knew. She explained that my case would be discussed at the next clinical meeting which is on Friday this week. Apparently, they look at what they could do differently for future attempts. I can only surmise that that would mean alterations to the drug regimes and or possibly more investigations. So we have to call this Friday after 1pm to find out what happens next for us.</p> <p>Thankfully, I still have a bit of time left off work to get myself fit again (the GP gave me a line on Friday and boy am I glad I did now after Sunday). I did toy with the idea of going back earlier but DH thinks it would be wise just to take it easy and I think I need to agree with him on that score. I do need to get some things sorted out at work so that I don't have the same carry on next time. The less stress I have, the better chance we might have next time around if we choose to go ahead.</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/17/tuesday-17th-june-4327502/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/17/tuesday-17th-june-4327502/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/16/monday-16th-june-4323983/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-06-16:/2008/06/16/monday-16th-june-4323983/Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:09:16 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>I'm not in a good place at the moment. I have got horrible period pains and the bleeding got stronger and fresher through yesterday.</p> <p>I have been crying intermittently all day and all of last night. I didn't go to bed last night, I lay on the couch watching television all night. I went into bed about 5:30am, only to be awoken by my alarm - to take my pessary. It really hurt - it made my period pain worse and was unpleasant to do in itself (I won't go in to any detail).</p> <p>I went for a bath this morning, not had one since my embryo transfer. I just lay there staring in to space. I was alone most of the day as DH went back to work with his own heavy heart. He came home for lunch and my Dad also popped in to see me. My Mum has phoned twice.</p> <p>DH was crying last night. He went to get me chocolate from the shop and saw a new Mum with her new baby and it upset him. It took all day for me to get him to accept what was happening. Other members of my family yesterday kept saying that it was ok and that they knew people who were pregnant and had periods. I know this was only to make me feel better but it made me angry. I didn't say anything, just paid them back with the same lip service.</p> <p>In the eyes of many, I was never pregnant. However, in my own and of some others, I WAS and I lost my 2 little babies yesterday. I'll never meet them, teach them things, make them laugh, comfort them or ever be their hero. They have simply gone as quickly as they came and took my hopes and dreams along with them.</p> <p>I don't know how I will be tomorrow. We have to go to the clinic for the test which I feel is a total waste of time and the little energy I have left but they all want me to go so I really have no choice. I know what I dearly want in this world but I truly don't know if I can go back to try again only for the risk of this happening to us again.</p> <p>I'll come back tomorrow again and tell you how things went.</p> <p>Take care,<br> Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/16/monday-16th-june-4323983/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/16/monday-16th-june-4323983/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/15/sunday-15th-june-2008-father-s-day-4318347/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-06-15:/2008/06/15/sunday-15th-june-2008-father-s-day-4318347/Sun, 15 Jun 2008 14:35:57 +0200 <p>Well, I started to bleed this morning at 11am. I've also got really sore period pains and feel unwell with it.</p> <p>The bleeding isn't much but I'm not prepared to kid myself any longer. I just keep asking why? What have I ever done to deserve this to happen? It's just not fair.</p> <p>DH keeps saying that it's nothing and that everything will be ok but why go through a hopeless charade - again like we have been doing for nearly 4 years.</p> <p>There is one blessing in this - that the GP I saw on Friday had the sense to sign me off. I would have been due at work today. They would have made me carry on with work and given me heaps of attitude.</p> <p>I feel sorry for my poor dear husband who feels awful but is trying to stay strong for me. </p> <p>I will post back as and when I know more. I did afterall promise to be honest. This whole process is one of the hardest you will ever go through in your life and one that takes great courage and strength. </p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/15/sunday-15th-june-2008-father-s-day-4318347/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/15/sunday-15th-june-2008-father-s-day-4318347/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/12/thursday-12th-may-4305965/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-06-12:/2008/06/12/thursday-12th-may-4305965/Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:53:39 +0200 <p>Hello again,</p> <p>I'm still waiting and with every day I'm getting more and more anxious.</p> <p>2 days ago I started to feel nauseated in the evenings. I am also noticing my breasts increasingly growing and changing. I've been feeling so tired all week too. These symptoms could be down to the pessaries I am using so it's all very confusing for me.</p> <p>I also do not have any previous experience of pregnancy so that makes it all the more difficult.</p> <p>Yesterday, I started getting lower abdo period pains - dull cramps with occasional sharp pains. Then last night I felt really unwell and I had alot of pain from my L buttock down my leg to my foot. I tend to get this when I'm due to take a period. I cried so much and so hard last night thinking that this was it.........it might all be over.</p> <p>Today, I feel tired. No leg pain but dull lower abdo period cramps again. I feel surprising more optimistic and calmer today, more grounded I feel than yesterday. I am however, still really scared. I don't want this to end. I thank god every time I go to the toilet and everything is alright.</p> <p>I went along for some spiritual healing on Tuesday there and then yesterday, went for Acupuncture. The therapist did a holding treatment which was very relaxing. I also have angel cards which I have consulted every day and I have repeatedly pulled out the same cards which all seem hopeful.</p> <p>I guess now, we just have to wait and see what fate beings to our door and can only hope and pray that it is what we have been waiting for for so long that arrives for us.</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/12/thursday-12th-may-4305965/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/12/thursday-12th-may-4305965/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/08/sunday-8th-june-4288494/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-06-08:/2008/06/08/sunday-8th-june-4288494/Sun, 08 Jun 2008 13:55:48 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>Sorry it has taken me afew days to get back on to report what's happening. I've been quite tired with everything which is understandable.</p> <p>Well, where do I start? Yes, we went for egg collection last Monday morning (2nd). I felt nervous but used my acupuncture needles in my ears and some Reiki to keep me calm. We attended the ACS Suite this time as opposed to the clinic area where we had been attending previously.</p> <p>I went to theatre late morning. They tried to put a needle in my L arm which quickly became sore and swollen whenthey started to infuse the sedation drugs. To let you understand, my veins are not very good and the needle they had put in was running into the tissues of my arm. Not at all their fault, these things can happen - I remember it well from my days of working in Haematology where veins were used so much, they became scarce and difficult to access.</p> <p>They recannulated in my R hand and infused the drugs, no probs this time. I began to feel really chilled out and almost asleep but I was aware of many things going on, but I wasn't too bothered by anything. In fact, I recall talking alot of nonsense and was unable to be quiet, a bit like I am if I'm drunk!!!! I felt some pain at afew times but was short-lived. Before I knew it, the procedure was over and I rested in Recovery. As I became more alert, my stomach was really sore so the nurse gave me a strong painkiller - Dihydrocodeine and an IV antisickness called Ondansetron.</p> <p>DH came through to be with me, I was given tea and sandwiches which I really enjoyed then I got dressed - I was desperate to get home.<br> Before we left, we were taken in to a small consulting room by the nurse who had looked after me alot during my stay - Joanne, she was lovely - they are all really lovely people there and are fantastic at their jobs. She told us that they had yielded 8 eggs from me and gave us instructions to follow for when I was at home. They also gave me a leaflet with information written on it - good idea since I wasn't quite back from my sedation yet!</p> <p>She told us to phone at a given time the next day to see if fertilisation had taken place, then said if we were successful with this, we'd be back on Wednesday for Embryo Transfer.</p> <p>We got home and I was starving! I ate some sandwiches and then fell asleep for a while. Then my Mum came and was crying - she's been really worried about us and desperate for our treatment to work.<br> I was pretty sore that night and was taking Cocodamol. I was drinking alot of fluids as I had been, the hospital advised me to keep this up.</p> <p>Tuesday morning, I phoned to the lab as I was instructed. The embryologist I spoke to was lovely.......... We had 3 normal embryos! From the 8 eggs, 6 were suitable and were injected with sperm. Again we were reminding to return the next day for transfer.</p> <p>We had mixed feelings on Tuesday. We had planned for transfer of 2 embryos and knew they wouldn't freeze 1 on it's own. We didn't know whether just to use 1, but said it would be dependant on how much sperm there was left.</p> <p>Wednesday afternoon, we attended the unit again. We were quite nervous, DH was coming in to theatre with me this time.<br> I got in to a gown and hat, DH wore a long green theatre gown, hat and plastic over shoe covers - we joked that they were like action man body bags, like in Alan Partridge!!!!!</p> <p>We walked in to theatre, I sat at the window and told the embryologist my name and date of birth. The Dr then spoke with the embryologist and spoke to us. She had 2 embryos ready for transfer, a Grade 1 and a Grade 2 (Grade 1 is the highest of Grades 1-4). We were informed that only one straw of our sperm had been used and we had 3 remaining. She said that from the 1 straw, that there were quite afew motile sperm which was also good news.</p> <p>I lay on the the theatre table and a speculum was inserted like a smear test. I HATE this, I felt myself twitching down below and worried I would spit the embryos back out! DH held my hand as the Dr inserted a long thin catheter in through my cervix and placed the embryos then the procedure was complete. I explained that I was still really sore from Monday and that morning had had severe lower abdominal pain. The Dr examined me and said to keep an eye on it, if no better/worse, to let them know but I was to continue drinking alot of fluids. I got a sample of urine sent off to the lab to check for infection.</p> <p>I got dressed and a nurse came in to talk to us. She explained that I needed to use Progesterone pessaries vaginally twice daily/12 hourly for 12 days. We were given an appointment for clinic for our outcome blood test for Tuesday 17th June. We left and came home thereafter. </p> <p>I have rested pretty much since Wednesday afternoon, I'm still even slightly sore today, but each day it improves. As it is, we now only have 9 days to wait to find out what the outcome is. The pessaries have given me alot of wind too!!!!</p> <p>It's been a variable few days so far. I have at times been convinced that my period was going to start but seemingly this is normal. I have had slight nausea but could be side effect from the pessaries. I'm also really tired, but then alot has happened within the last week and I'm still taking it all in. </p> <p>On top of this, my work have been quite unreasonable with me. After saying I could take holidays, I've been told I now can't have what I need and now have to work all next weekend and Monday evening until 1am when we have to be at clinic before 9am! The lack of sleep aside, I'm going to be thinking of nothing else but what will happen the next day. I think it's cruel and had any of them experienced what we have just been going thorugh, I'm sure they would have a different outlook. It's high time that what we all go through is recognised for what it is and we are cut a bit of slack. Enough about this now!</p> <p>I'm trying to remain positive and keep telling myself that I am pregnant now. DH goes back to wrok tomorrow so the time will go in a bit slower now I think, but we will wait and see. I keep praying and asking for our dreams to come true, nearly every hour of the day so far. I only hope someone is listening.......................</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/08/sunday-8th-june-4288494/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/08/sunday-8th-june-4288494/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/04/wednesday-4th-june-4273796/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-06-04:/2008/06/04/wednesday-4th-june-4273796/Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:39:19 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>Not forgotten to update - just been really hectic past few days.<br> I had embryo transfer today with DH at my side, went well.</p> <p>I will post all the details tomorrow as I'm quite tired tonight,</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/04/wednesday-4th-june-4273796/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/06/04/wednesday-4th-june-4273796/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/31/saturday-31st-may-4250407/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-05-31:/2008/05/31/saturday-31st-may-4250407/Sat, 31 May 2008 11:30:22 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>Sorry it's been a week since my last post but I'll explain why.........</p> <p>As I said last week, I was feeling unwell on starting the Gonal-F injections. I have to say that I wasn't expecting that to happen, but as they said at the clinic, everyone is different and alot of people aren't really affected by it - so if anyone is just embarking on treatment and reading this, please don't worry and I really mean that.</p> <p>Since my last post, I have daily been getting more swollen over my abdomen and boobs (my boobs are also quite tender). I have had intermittent headache, not sleeping, general aches and pains all over, constipation, mild nausea. I was starting to pass darker urine which worried me in relation to what I read about Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome - even though I was drinking over 3 litres a day. Getting in to Tuesday there, I was feeling quite emotional and crying alot but I think that this was also down to the fact that I hadn't been sleeping.</p> <p>Following the advice of the GP I saw last Friday, I went back to see a GP whom I have seen quite often in the past.<br> She was really quite mean to me - asked me how I was, I told her and she asked why had I bothered to go and see her. She said I was fine, briefly examined my tummy and said that I needed to get on with it, afterall, I was told what it was going to be like beforehand. I became tearful and said I was feeling awful and that I didn't feel fit to work this weekend. I was told to get on with it and that work was the best place for me at the moment. I then left and felt really let down, like I hadn't been taken seriously.</p> <p>I got home and cried for hours and had that ache you get in the centre of your chest when someone really hurts your feelings - I call it a sore heart. I felt really isolated and alone - here I was in a really scary position, putting powerful drugs into my system several times a day and felt that no-one cared. I also meant to say that I started the 4 times daily nasal spray last Saturday - Buserelin, to keep my own down regulation going.</p> <p>DH called my line manager when we got home because I couldn't speak with crying. My line manager was really sympathetic about it. My husband was asking about unpaid leave for me, my boss suggested we get a line from the GP and that I could use annual leave. I am unable to get unpaid leave until I have used all my holidays.</p> <p>Wednesday I was feeling really rough and even had thoughts about throwing the towel in with the treatment I felt so bad. I went to see my Acupuncturist who was really sympathetic and supportive. Because we didn't know what my injections were doing so far, I couldn't get treatment to boost my follicles. However, I got treatment to balance me and felt instantly alot better. I felt more balanced emotionally/positive and I went for a huge pee which was great. As the day went on, I was also a bit less bloated. That night I slept a bit better. The acupuncturist asked me to go back Thursday/next day for some more treatment.</p> <p>I made another appointment at the Drs - this time with a locum GP. I went there on Thursday and she was lovely. I took DH with me so that there wouldn't be a repeat of the other day. I felt proud of myself because I sat calmly and explained that I was feeling unwell and the reason why. I also told her that I had been off from work with a long term anxiety problem at the turn of the year and that it was my intention not to take too much time off as sick due to that. I did saw however that at the moment, I really felt unable to perform 100% at work and mentioned that on top of all my symptoms, my concentration wasn't too good. I then said what my line manager had said and Dr gave me a line. She wanted to give me more, but I only took a week and said I planned to take some holidays thereafter.</p> <p>Later on Thursday, I went back for more acupuncture which relaxed me further. I slept better again Thursday night, however I didn't sleep for a long period but then I had to be up at 5:30am to go to the clinic yesterday morning.</p> <p>We arrived at the clinic for our 10am appointment yesterday (Friday)- I got a blood sample taken and then went through for my first follicle scan. DH came in to scan with me (he's feeling a bit lost just now too, I've also let him give some of my injections).<br> The sonographer was calling out numbers - 25, 18, 11, etc. My heart sank a bit because I though she meant that this was how many there were. If this had been the case, I was overstimulating and the treatment would have been abandoned. I then realised that she meant that this was the size of the follicles. I asked how many there were - 2 follicles in L ovary and 6-7 in R ovary, all good sizes. I was surprised because most of the pain had been at the L side. I asked how big my ovaries are just now - 40mm each.<br> I was told that I was ready and that I probably didn't need to come back for further scans.</p> <p>We waited and saw another nurse who went through the next instructions.<br> They were going to phone yesterday afternoon following my blood result to confirm what was happening.<br> I was given a booster injection and other meds to take away too.</p> <p>We got the phonecall about 3:30pm yesterday. We had recently been for lunch in a nice country pub nearby and throughout we waited for the call. I had to change my ringtone actually because there were all wee posh elderly folk there who probably wouldn't appreciate the wit of Goldie Lookin' Chain - Your Mother's got a Penis!!!!!</p> <p>Anyway, we got home for the call............We were told that we were ready for egg collection and that I had to take my last Gonal-F this morning, last Buserelin nasal spray 6pm tonight, HCG booster injection at 9pm tonight.<br> Then fast from midnight Sunday night and to arrive at admissions Monday morning for 9:30am. The nurse wished me luck and went off the phone.</p> <p>I have to pack a bag with a dressing gown, slippers and toiletries in for Monday to take with me. We are not allowed to use anything perfumed or body lotion as this can damage the eggs. They will put me under sedation and the procedure should take approx 30 mins. I should be ready for home by mid to late afternoon.</p> <p>I can't believe that were are here already, I thought it would have taken longer for me to stimulate or even that I had been overly doing so. I believe that after Monday, if we are lucky enough to get fertilisation, it will be Wednesday or Thursday that we would potentially get embryo transfer, but I won't jump the gun just yet!</p> <p>I can honestly say (I may be repeating myself!) that when you start this process, it is really quick and makes up for all the time that you wait for it all to start in the first place. Also, although I've been feeling all over the place this week, it's nothing to be frightened of. It's actually quite empowering to feel that despite all the upheaval, you are actually being useful and doing something to address the situation. Furthermore, I didn't think that I was strong enough to do this given my problems in the past and here I am actually doing it! If I can do it, anyone can!</p> <p>Take care,<br> Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/31/saturday-31st-may-4250407/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/31/saturday-31st-may-4250407/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/23/friday-23rd-may-4213927/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-05-23:/2008/05/23/friday-23rd-may-4213927/Fri, 23 May 2008 22:04:05 +0200 <p>Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I can honestly say that time has just flown in the past week. So I'll update you now........</p> <p>Last Sunday (day before clinic), we did loads of gardening and planting which made us both really tired but gave us something to focus on. We talked alot during the time we were doing this and it was nice to feel close and just be together, talking about random stuff.</p> <p>Sunday night I hardly slept, neither did DH. I woke up at 4 am wide awake and got up at 4:30am (was getting up at 5am anyway). I sat with a cup of tea and felt quite panicky and doubtful, worrying that I was going to have panic attacks.</p> <p>We got ready and left to catch the train. On the train I was listening to the old ipod and pressing the studs in my ears (for anxiety, placed by the acupuncturist). By the time we arrived in Glasgow, I felt really calm and relaxed. We went for breakfast then off to the hospital.</p> <p>We arrived at the clinic and it was mobbed. Loads of couples and women on their own just staring in to space. They were a bit late taking us, I was now excited rather than worried now.</p> <p>They first called me to take bloods, then I was taken for the trans-vaginal scan to check that my ovaries had stopped working and that the lining of my uterus was suitably thin. Everything was as it should be thankfully and I went back to the waiting room again.</p> <p>After a short while, another nurse called us to go through the daily injections which would start 22nd May (yesterday am) and the nasal spray which starts tomorrow, 24th May.</p> <p>The injections are in the form of a pen (like insulin pens diabetics use)and contain a drug called Gonal-F, it is my understanding that there are variations in the names of drugs they use, but all do the same thing - stimulate multiple ovulation. I take the injection at the same time each day for 9 days initially - I do mine at 7am to avoid the need to be taking them anywhere as they need stored in a fridge. The injection is given into the stomach and is not painful at all, slight sting maybe but quite easy. I did have a panic yesterday after the first injection. I worried that I hadn't pushed the plunger down enough because I saw afew number showing - I have found out from afew people and leaflets that this is the normal state of the pen and as long as it clicks several times, it's ok.</p> <p>The nasal spray Buserelin is to take over from the Prostap injection that I took to down regulate almost 4 weeks ago as it runs out now. I can't believe that's 4 weeks, how time flies as I was saying before.</p> <p>We are due back this Friday, 30th May for first scan to check presence and size of follicles and thickness of endometrium (uterine lining). I was told that if everything is ok I may be in for egg collection as early as a week on Monday!</p> <p>Back to the present though. As I said, I started the Gonal-F injections yesterday morning. Through yesterday I felt sweats coming and headachy slightly. I also felt tired and felt my usual ovulation pain starting - Left sided lower abdomen and back radiating to left leg with bloated tummy. I didn't sleep very well last night and awoke this morning feeling really quite yuk.</p> <p>As the morning went along I began to feel worse. I was getting similar symptoms to the time during ovulation and period starting only quite a bit worse. At one point today the pain went down into my foot and I was limping. I got quite tearful because I felt so crap and was worried as I'm due at work over the weekend.</p> <p>DH made me an appointment with my GP this afternoon - I went along, was examined and he said it was unusual the pains I had although I explained that I always had these pains and that it had been investigated by the gynaecologist during our assessments under Laparoscopy. At that point he was talking about the pros and cons of carrying on with treatment which I was keen to carry on with and he agreed given my history. He agreed that as I was probably going to be producing more than the usual 1 egg that this may have given rise to the amplified symptoms. I was told to stick with the Paracetamol, rest, plenty of fluids and warm baths. If it gets worse over the weekend I shouls see someone but otherwise he recommended I self certify and be absent from work and go back next week for review.</p> <p>DH called work and explained I wouldn't be in to work over the weekend and to be honest, I'm glad to know that I can just lie up and rest as much as I need to. I'm finding it hard concentrating due to my tiredness and woozy head feeling. I'm not overly alarmed or anxious about the symptoms because I know that they will be short-lived and that it is all for the most important reason in the world. Afterall, afew weeks of feeling under par is only a small price to pay when you consider the journey to hell and back so far.</p> <p>Although I felt tearful earlier, I feel that mood has held out well and I'm so glad that there has been no deterioration in my psychological health so far. I think that the Acupuncture has helped this and in addition, I feel empowered that we are now going through the treatment and that I indeed found the courage to run with it.</p> <p>I'm due for more Acupuncture on Wednesday and this time it will be to help what is actually happening within me at the moment - what an amazing feeling.</p> <p>I'm going to go now and lie up and watch TV for a while and only hope that I can get to sleep tonight.........overnight telly is really crap!!!!!!</p> <p>Love<br> Lisa,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/23/friday-23rd-may-4213927/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/23/friday-23rd-may-4213927/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/16/16th-may-4184109/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-05-16:/2008/05/16/16th-may-4184109/Fri, 16 May 2008 23:52:53 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>19 days in to down regulation now and only 2 days until we are back at the clinic for our first scan and blood tests...........hopefully after this we can get going with the next stage which is the stimulation part and involves daily injections for the stimulation part and nasal spray to continue the down regulation part (so that my own cycle does not kick in during the treatment).</p> <p>I went for some more acupuncture today which was as always, lovely and relaxing. I'm not to go back now until a week in to my stimulation drugs.</p> <p>Yesterday was the first real significant mood swing - boy was I crabbit! I was angry with myself because some of my clothes aren't fitting me but then I have been bloated and my weight has remained pretty similar despite attempts to lose afew pounds.</p> <p>I did snap out of it after an hour - it was our wedding anniversary yesterday and we went for a lovely meal. I even treated myself to a glass of wine........I figured that one wouldn't hurt. It went straight to my head - well seeing I'm not used to drinking anymore! Not that I really had much anyway.</p> <p>Still cracking on with my Allen Carr book and hope to have good news to report in the next few days with regard to the smoking.</p> <p>I can't wait for Monday to see if everything is ok and hopefully so we can get onto the next stage.</p> <p>I will post again after the appointment.</p> <p>Have a good weekend,<br> L,x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/16/16th-may-4184109/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/16/16th-may-4184109/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/12/12th-may-4163591/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-05-12:/2008/05/12/12th-may-4163591/Mon, 12 May 2008 13:19:28 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>I know it's been over a week since I last wrote - it's been an eventful week......</p> <p>Last time I wrote, I was really pre-menstrual. Last Sunday night, I was unable to sleep, I felt quite unwell but couldn't put my finger on what it was. I felt quite bloated all over, even my face.<br> I eventually managed to get to sleep about 3am.</p> <p>I woke up Monday morning and my period had started. I soon began to feel very sore and the headache seemed worse. I took Paracetamol (I usually take stronger analgesia at this time) and was in agony all day. I spent quite a bit of it crying. I wasn't able to go to work which made me worry a bit given what has happened previously. Tuesday I felt exactly the same. So I basically rested for afew days and slowly began to feel better as last week progressed.</p> <p>I know it might sound gross to go in to this much detail, but it may be useful. The periods I usually have are quite clotty, but this time, it seemed worse although not overly heavy - I suppose that explains the level of pain I had.</p> <p>I started to worry around Wednesday when the flow became minimal. I worried that I hadn't bled enough and thought this hadn't worked.</p> <p>I went on Friday for my acupuncture and explained my worries. The acupuncturist gave me some therapy which would encourage the uterus to empty.</p> <p>Since then I have bled a bit more and continue to have spotting daily. So I know feel a little better about facing next week.</p> <p>I really can't believe that it has been now over 2 weeks since we started. I can honestly say to those who are still waiting patiently (or otherwise!!!!) that when the ball starts rolling, it seems alot easier.</p> <p>Aside from what I have just been describing, I can honestly say that this has not been as bad as I feared it would be so far - so if that can allay anyones fears, then all to the good. I have asked others about their experiences and thay said that they didn't have to much of a hard time at the "bleed" part. So I guess it's an individual thing really.</p> <p>I started reading Allen Carr's book (not the comedian, as my Dad thought!). The guy had been writing books and set up many clinics to help people with smoking. Seemingly, alot of people have had real results from using the book so I was encouraged to give it a go. So far, it's been really good, I'm about a fifth of the way through it. It can be repetitive but it interseting and discusses every thought and fear you have as a smoker. So I'm hoping to have good news soon with regard to that!</p> <p>Again, I've been careful about my eating and have been drinking 2-3 litres a day, with 2 litres of that being room temperature spring water. I didn't think I would enjoy that but actually have surprised myself that I do.<br> Back to the eating, I can't say that I have lost any more weight even though I have been following my weight watchers points to the letter. They do say that weight gain can be a side effect from the drugs. I'm pleased at least to report that I've not gained any more weight which I think is good.</p> <p>I'm off work on holiday this week so am looking forward to spending time with my husband and my 2 wee doggies. It's also our 4th wedding anniversary this week (hopefully the psychic lady's prophecies will come true - and this time next year, I may be enjoying the nice spring weather with my own child too). </p> <p>If anyone reading this ever wants to chat or ask anything, feel free. I can't promise to know everything, but if I can help in any way, I will.</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/12/12th-may-4163591/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/12/12th-may-4163591/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/03/just-checking-in-4126960/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-05-03:/2008/05/03/just-checking-in-4126960/Sat, 03 May 2008 19:21:37 +0200 <p>Hi there,</p> <p>Been at work today which I found quite tough - quite headachy today and got period pains starting. </p> <p>Usually when I'm due a normal period, I get quite clumsy but I seem to be ultra clumsy today. I dropped my pregnacare on the floor about 7 times, then my keys god knows how many times. I then dropped my thermal cup and broke it! I was bit hairy driving home too but got here in 1 piece!</p> <p>I felt quite insecure at work today too. I was unsure about afew things and was looking for reassurance afew times from my peers - mainly about the decisions I was making. I think I'm just trying to make sure that I'm doing everything right.</p> <p>Otherwise, I have to say that it's not been too bad so far and the past week since we started has flown past. I think I even feel better knowing that it has finally started after waiting for over 3 and a half years to get to this point.</p> <p>I have worked out that it will be between 7 and 8 weeks until outcome date (presuming all goes to plan) which really isn't that long away. </p> <p>I was back for more Acupuncture yesterday which was wonderful. I have to say, seriously, whether it helps the process or not, it is something that everyone going through this should consider as a treat to themselves. It is truly wonderful and the lady I go to is lovely and seems to have such compassion for people in my position.</p> <p>My session yesterday was to minimise effects from the down regulation. I haven't felt weepy again, in fact I'm quite upbeat even though I feel physically a bit tired.</p> <p>Love,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/03/just-checking-in-4126960/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/05/03/just-checking-in-4126960/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/30/3-days-in-4114401/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-04-30:/2008/04/30/3-days-in-4114401/Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:06:25 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>3 days in to my down regulation now. It seems to flying past.<br> I have felt a bit tired and some period cramps and slight headaches - nothing compared to what I first thought it might be although the next 2 weeks will be interesting.</p> <p>When I went to the Acupuncturist last, she put needles in each ear to press for anxiety and I feel quite chilled.</p> <p>I realise that I didn't mention some other things that I have been doing along the way. I knew I needed to start a folic acid supplement so went and bought Pregnacare Plus which also has Omega 3/DHA capsule in which is supposed to benefit both baby and mother. I have been taking them daily for about 6 weeks.</p> <p>I also bought a book by Zita West:Fertility and Conception, which has been really helpful to keep me focused on what is helpful and not.</p> <p>I am trying really hard to stop smoking too. I am down to about 6 per day and am hopeful I will be completely stopped over the next couple of weeks. I know I should have stopped by now, but anyone who smokes will understand how stressful it is in itself to stop especially when when there are other things ongoing.</p> <p>I'm not much of a drinker anyway, so that part was easy for me.</p> <p>I mentioned before that I lost alot of weight. I have recently put a wee bit back on so I'm hoping with healthy eating that it will balance out again. As a general rule, we do eat really healthily but I am very partial to sweets!!</p> <p>Until next time,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/30/3-days-in-4114401/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/30/3-days-in-4114401/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/28/well-that-s-us-started-4104814/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-04-28:/2008/04/28/well-that-s-us-started-4104814/Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:06:03 +0200 <p>Hi again,</p> <p>Just to update you, I went for my first injection yesterday - Prostap, to down regulate me. What I didn't realise was that the Prostap part has to continue right through, even with the stimulation drugs - this is so that my own cycle does not kick back in during the process. Makes sense really. The next time I get Prostap, it will be in nasal spray form which will be used alongside the injections.</p> <p>Anyway, back to yesterday. The journey over to the unit was fine - my Acupuncturist had given me small needles to press in each ear to help with the anxiety. We arrived at the unit for our 9:30am appointment and met with another lovely nurse who explained things to us. I explained that I was worried about the side effects and wondered how bad they might get. I didn't really get any answers except for the range of possible symptoms which in many ways are similar to menopause. I explained that afew years ago, I was put onto an antidepressant which made me really very ill and have been wary of any drugs since then. The nurse then asked if I wanted to have the injection afterall!!!!! I said OF COURSE I did but was just speaking aloud my anxieties which I'm sure other people have but maybe don't say anything.</p> <p>What made matters worse, most of the doors were locked because it was a Sunday which meant I had to go in a lift which was the size of an old telephone box. Lifts cause problems for me at the best of times but under the circumstances it was making me worse. My husband explained to the nurse for me and security came to open the doors for us to get out without using the lift again which was good.</p> <p>I got the injection into my tummy which really didn't hurt and we left the unit, thanking the nurse for her help.</p> <p>We went out into the street where it was shaping up to be a beautiful day, probably the nicest of the year so far. Glasgow looked so quiet which is an unusual thing at the best of times......Last week, my husband brought home a leaflet about a food festival being held in George Square over this weekend. Given how nice a day it was, we decided to go along.</p> <p>We had a great time at the food festival and got loads of free samples. We also bought lots of nice things to eat - cheeses, etc.</p> <p>We arrived home and sat outside in the sun for a while then had dinner. I began to feel a bit headachy then, so after tea, I went for a nice bath.</p> <p>As the evening wore on, I felt my abdomen becoming quite bloated, period cramps, headache, nausea, dizziness and my boobs started to get sore too.<br> I began to panic in case it got worse, but I went to bed and have woken up this morning with the same symptoms only alot milder and I feel really chilled out today too which is good.</p> <p>Thankfully, I have afew days off work now so plan just to relax and be good to myself. I have been told that any symptoms I have will subside when the other hormone injections start in 3 weeks time. Time has been flying for me lately so I'm sure all will be fine.</p> <p>I will keep my blog updated as much as I can over the next few weeks. I realise that it is difficult going through this when you have nothing else to compare it to. So, I feel it's improtant to be as honest as I can and hopefully help others in the process.</p> <p>Take care,<br> L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/28/well-that-s-us-started-4104814/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/28/well-that-s-us-started-4104814/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/23/4-days-to-go-4083140/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-04-23:/2008/04/23/4-days-to-go-4083140/Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:11:03 +0200 <p>Sorry it's been a wee while since I last posted. We have been busy getting a new kitchen in which has been stressful.</p> <p> I have also had a bit of stress in trying to arrange the time off from work to attend for my treatment. Seemingly, I am not entitled to anything, except for my annual leave and unpaid leave. I was really quite upset about it all to be honest. Where I work has an Adoption and Fostering policy but nothing for this treatment. I was told that this is my choice to have treatment and was likened to cosmetic surgery! My boss was really sympathetic and I appreciate that he is unable to influence anything to help me.</p> <p>I explained that Adoption is a choice too and more importantly that for people who seek IVF and Adoption, this is the only way for us to fufill our basic human right to have a family. Still, this was all in vain and nothing can be done. I am trying to find ways of changing this for the future for others who will follow in my footsteps. I will let you know what happens.</p> <p>I'm still attending for weekly acupuncture which I am really enjoying, am going again tomorrow. I'm hopeful that as well as helping the process itself, that it will help with any side effects that I might experience.</p> <p>I also can't stop eating! I tend to overeat when I'm worried about things so I need to watch or I will put all the weight I lost back on which is not wise.</p> <p>So, Sunday, only afew days away now and I can hardly believe that this is it now. I'm excited, yet a bit apprehensive but I hope with all my heart that this all works out for us. I can imagine that everyone else feels the same as we do just now.</p> <p>I will write again after Sunday and will probably be here alot more from then on.............</p> <p>Keep everything crossed!</p> <p>L,x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/23/4-days-to-go-4083140/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/23/4-days-to-go-4083140/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/09/waiting-4019984/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-04-09:/2008/04/09/waiting-4019984/Wed, 09 Apr 2008 09:57:32 +0200 <p>Hello again,</p> <p>I am now sitting counting the days until I can get started.</p> <p>I just want to eat! I lost over 3 stones in the past year and need to lose a bit more (I have put a bit back on recently). I'm trying to eat healthily as was recommended and drink over 2 litres a day of water.</p> <p>I'm also taking Pregnacare vitamins and bought Zita West's book Fertility and Conception which has been really good for information.</p> <p>I also started Acupuncture 2 weeks ago given the good press I have read about it with regard to fertility treatment. It's supposed to improve the lining of the uterus and the quality of follicles during the ovulation process. It's also meant to be good for relaxation throughout the process.</p> <p>We are trying to get things sorted at home too just now......my new kitchen gets done next week and I'm hoping to get our room after that.</p> <p>One thing I am struggling with is stopping smoking, I have cut down but the more I think about having a cigarette, the more I want them. Still, I have over 2 weeks to get my act together still so hopefully can get sorted by then.</p> <p>L,x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/09/waiting-4019984/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/09/waiting-4019984/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/07/here-we-go-here-we-go-here-we-go-4009709/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-04-07:/2008/04/07/here-we-go-here-we-go-here-we-go-4009709/Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:47:22 +0200 <p>Hello again,</p> <p>As promised, an update..........</p> <p>My period started yesterday so I called the clinic this morning.<br> To begin with it was engaged and I started to panic in case there were too many people going through and that I might be delayed in starting.</p> <p>When I got through, they gave me my dates to start - Sunday 27th April for first Prostap injection and Monday 19th May for my first scan.</p> <p>The Prostap injection is the down-regulation part of the treatment where the ovaries are stopped in a type of mini-menopause.</p> <p>The scan which follows is to check that the ovaries are empty before starting the ovarian stimulation drugs.</p> <p>At the scan, if there are still traces of the ovaries functioning, they give you a nasal spray and scan again.</p> <p>We are really pleased and can't believe that this is it now. My Mum is pleased and I'm going to open a bottle of champagne later when she comes round.</p> <p>L,x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/07/here-we-go-here-we-go-here-we-go-4009709/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/07/here-we-go-here-we-go-here-we-go-4009709/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/06/update-sunday-6th-april-4002686/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-04-06:/2008/04/06/update-sunday-6th-april-4002686/Sun, 06 Apr 2008 12:48:51 +0200 <p>Hello again,</p> <p>As I said before, I will come on and post more as different things arise.</p> <p>Today my period came but I have to wait until tomorrow morning to phone and see if we will be accepted to start this month (I'm keeping everything crossed again!). I will post again tomorrow when I find out.</p> <p>I went to see a psychic lady on Friday there. I hadn't been for a reading for 3 years so was eager to go and see what came up.</p> <p>She told me loads of stuff - about why we have this problem and that by our 5th wedding anniversary, we will have a child, possibly a girl (for some reason, I have always visualised my first child being a girl). It's just coming up for our 4th anniversary mid-May. She also mentioned about there being twins, but my brother and his wife have just had twin boys in the last 3 weeks.</p> <p>I felt even more positive after seeing that lady and if nothing comes to pass, at least I felt lifted for afew days.</p> <p>It has been hard with the arrival of my new nephews who are just wonderful. We found out September last year that my sister-in-law was pregnant. I felt numb and completely hopeless. The day after we found out, my brother phoned again to say it was twins and again I felt I had been kicked in the teeth. I was torn between my joy for them and the sadness that I felt and found it really hard seeing them. I avoided them for quite a while and even at Christmas there, I cancelled our night out over New Year that we had arranged.</p> <p>It took me until late January to find the courage to be with them and slowly, I began to get excited about it all. </p> <p>The boys were born on 12th March. I felt so proud but also kept crying that day and felt really tired and exhausted. We have been afew times to see them but I worry in case we get in the way. I really do want to be part of their little lives but again I'm trying to protect myself from getting hurt and feeling the ache that goes with it...........my husband and I call it "a sore heart". I'm quite sure that others reading this who have been in similar situations know exactly the feeling I mean.</p> <p>I'm going to sign off just now but I will come back tomorrow and write about what happens when I call the clinic. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/06/update-sunday-6th-april-4002686/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/06/update-sunday-6th-april-4002686/#commentshttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/01/introduction-and-welcome-3981106/tag:lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk,2008-04-01:/2008/04/01/introduction-and-welcome-3981106/Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:24:21 +0200 <p>Hello and welcome to my blog,</p> <p>I wanted to start a blog so that I can look back over what has been happening and so others may benefit from the information. We are about to embark on our first cycle of ICSI - Intracytoplasmic sperm injection with IVF.</p> <p>I'm 33 (almost 34!) and my husband is 35. We married almost 4 years ago and started trying for a family about 3 and a half years ago. </p> <p>During the first year of trying we were excited but dismayed as with each month arrived my period and no pregnancy. As time progressed on, we began to think there might be a problem and so I went to see my GP 13 months after we started trying.</p> <p>I was given loads of blood tests, internal swabs - to check for any infections, check if I was ovulating, etc. I also went for a pelvic ultrasound - I have suffered from painful periods for many years and they wanted to rule out endometriosis.</p> <p>All my results came back clear and I was referred to the sub-fertility clinic to see a Gynaecologist. </p> <p>My husband, meanwhile, attended the GP too and was sent away with a bottle to produce a sperm sample. I remember quite clearly, we were on holiday and it was just before Christmas. That day, we had planned (like we do every year) to go shopping for our outfits for the Christmas nights out we had. My husband produced the sample and he took it to the lab in a pair of rolled up socks to keep it warm. We then went out for a day's shopping and lunch. We laughed all day and I made up silly songs about what he had had to do that morning.</p> <p>Next day, my Mum got a call from the GP practice asking for my husband (why they phoned my Mum I'll never know). It was too late to call by the time we knew so waited all weekend wondering what the practice wanted to talk to us about.</p> <p>On Monday morning, my husband went in person to the surgery and was told that no-one could speak with him for another 2 days! I told my husband to go back and explain and he was told a Dr would call him.<br> I waited anxiously for my husband to come in from work that lunchtime.<br> When he did arrive, his face was worried and he asked me to sit down.</p> <p>He said the Dr had called him as arranged and said there were NO sperm at all in the sample and had been quite blunt about it too. He was told to produce another sample early January. This also came back with no sperm and blood tests were done and he was referred to a Urologist.</p> <p>During this time, I became sick and went off work. I have a long-standing anxiety problem which flares up from time to time. I was scared to leave the house, had terrible side effects from the meds I was put on and put on loads of weight. I felt truly awful. I don't think I could ever feel as bad again as I did then.</p> <p>In the April, we saw a Urologist who was lovely - he explained that there was possibly a blockage somewhere because although borderline, his blood results were normal. He then said if this was the case, our only option was ICSI with IVF for which the odds of success weren't terribly high. I cried alot after that and felt really low. My husband didn't really speak about his feelings. We were referred to the Fertility Centre.</p> <p>Our first appointment was in the August and I was too frightened to go so we cancelled. I decided at the time, I could not withstand the pressure of the journey to and from the centre.</p> <p>In May, we saw the Gynaecologist who arranged for me to go in to hospital in the October to have a laparascopy with dye to rule out any problems with me. I was terrified but felt proud of myself for having done it. After the laparoscopy in October, I decided I wanted to pursue treatment again and the Gynaecologist requested another appointment for us.</p> <p>We went up in February 2007 and had loads of bloods done each, urine samples and were given information on the treatment. </p> <p>We went up and down quite afew times last year - more tests, loads of forms, etc. The Urology consultant at the centre arranged for my husband to be admitted for surgical sperm retrieval in November 2007.</p> <p>He was really unwell after the op - dropped his pulse rate to 30 and kept fainting and vomiting. He was really weak when I got him home. I meanwhile felt the pressure building again and ended up going off sick again with my anxiety problem(My work have not been too good with me through our journey and refused me proper leave to care for my husband.<br> Things in work are now much improved and so far I feel so much better supported.).</p> <p>He ended up with 2 infections in his wound which opened up and 2 courses of antibiotics and proper wound care (courtesy of me) later (and even now), he's still in quite a bit of discomfort.</p> <p>At this time, my husband was told they couldn't find anything during the operation and we both felt awful and had started to turn our thoughts to what next. We had to wait 8 weeks to be seen again so could put no proper closure on any of this. I dreaded Christmas and avoided it as much as I could. On Christmas Eve, we went to a watchnight service and I cried throughout like it was a funeral. I was having to support my Mum who had problems at home. I felt as though I couldn't take anymore.</p> <p>Everywhere I looked was someone pregnant with a smug, self-assured look on their faces and I hated them and wished they would stop flaunting themselves in front of me. I began to wonder if I was a bad person and that I in some way deserved all this.</p> <p>January 2008, we had an appointment again at the fertility centre and neither of us wanted to go. We sat in the consulting room with the Urologist and the Gynaecologist there. They talked through the procedure that my husband had been through and said that although not many, they had found 4 straws of sperm. I just sat there staring through them and was unable to take it in. I sat in the waiting area and a nurse came over to speak to me - I just burst out crying and couldn't believe it. She hugged me and wished us all the best.</p> <p>My husband came back to find me crying and I think he could easily have shed a tear or two. It seems during the surgery, there were alot of adhesions (which can happen after surgery) and they had to do quite alot to correct the order of everything down there. They also said that the damage was probably due to previous surgery my husband had had although many other Dr's had palmed us off when we asked if this was the reason.<br> We went for a lovely lunch and a glass of wine to celebrate and came home to tell our families who were anxious to find out for us.</p> <p>As time has progressed, I have had to try hard to get my husband to speak to me about how he feels. We have a really close relationship but he still found it hard - something which seems common in many similar situations. Things have got easier to discuss and we both seem happier.<br> He finds it hard because he lost his Dad when he was 16 and his older brother, with whom he has a close bond, lives 1000's of miles away. These would have been the people he would choose to confide in. He also found it hard because he didn't want to burden me in how I was.</p> <p>My anxiety problem has improved and I returned to work 2 months ago on reduced hours which is much easier. I attend weekly sessions in psychotherapy which really do help. </p> <p>Now for a happier part of the story to begin!<br> We reached the top of the list for treatment in February 2008 and have been for 2 appointments in the past 3 weeks to prepare.<br> I've had loads of bloods and stuff obtained which have all been fine. I now just have to wait for day 1 of my next period then I phone and arrange a date to start. We have been told that there may be a delay for 1-2 months so I'm keeping everything crossed that we are taken first time. My period is due anytime from Friday onwards so I'm just sitting on tenterhooks waiting now.</p> <p>It is my plan to update this blog regularly with everything new that happens.</p> <p>So until next time..........hopefully will have news over the next few days. Please keep everything crossed for me and send out positive thoughts!</p> <p>L,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/01/introduction-and-welcome-3981106/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>icsiinfertilityivffertilitypregnancyhttp://lisasicsidiary.blog.co.uk/2008/04/01/introduction-and-welcome-3981106/#comments